I RELEASED RESISTANCE AND EXPERIENCED ACCEPTANCE

The Unity monthly theme for the August is
"I release resistance and experience acceptance."
The Revealing Word defines resistance as "The greatest disintegrating element in the human consciousness."  

I experienced resistance during July during a time of personal loss.

My cousin Bobby made her transition.  Her death affected me so deeply because she was more than just my cousin. She was a friend, a mentor, and a personal champion, part of the wind beneath my wings.

People often asked,
"How long have you known Bobby?"
My answer:

"All my life."

She used to say to me often: 

"When we were about to leave West Virginia to come to Cleveland, the last thing I bought at the Company Store was a gift- a gift for you." 

I was born in February. They left in May 67 years ago.

Unfortunately, the last 9 and 1/2 years of her life saw her in a long-term care facility due to increasingly declining health.  I became her primary contact and care-giver.

She had an extremely outgoing personality that attracted many life-long friends, many of whom kept in touch with her through visits and telephone calls.  Calls and visits became fewer and further between as the years progressed, and many of her friends made their transition.  

Phone conversations became difficult due to the decline in her ability to hear and to initiate calls.

Things took a turn for the worse when the Pandemic hit.  The facility was locked down, and no visitors were allowed.  The facility finally started providing face-time calls with relatives.  I signed up for Thursdays.  By this time, the mental decline had set in. It became increasingly difficult to carry on a conversation with her.  I continued to talk to her anyway, always ending with

"I Love you."
I am so happy that I could do this because it provided a small level of comfort.

I received a call from the Physician's office informing me that a CT scan had revealed the possibility of a return of cancer that she had suffered earlier.  There was also the possibility of bone cancer. I asked if I wanted them to pursue an aggressive form of treatment.  Resistance rose in me even though we had talked about just such a possibility early on.  She expressed a wish to be left alone.  We completed a Do Not Resuscitate/Comfort Care only order. The decision was when she was in full control of her mental faculties.

I expressed a desire to have her placed in full hospice care.  The answer was yes.  
Another question:
Do we discontinue all medication for everything except the ones meant to provide palliative care?

I hesitated and told the nurse that I would get back to him about that.  I talked it over with a trusted friend and decided to do it.  I gave them the permission needed to do so.

She had suffered enough.

My resistance was rooted in wanting things to stay the same.  Wanting Bobby to be the person I had known so well for so many years.

Acceptance came with realizing that this was not going to be and that there was no quality of life present.

I was summoned to the facility a few days later to sit with her as she was dying.  I stayed there for several hours.  When I called the next morning, the nurse told me that she was sleeping peacefully. I told the nurse that I would be there as soon as possible.  I received a call before I could get there, informing me that she had made her transition.
What I learned from the experience is that it is difficult to let a loved one go even when the death of the physical body is inevitable.  It is still sad and heartbreaking.  
Throughout her long illness, Bobby had always remained mentally sharp.  Though physically disabled, she maintained her reasoning faculties.  The decline in mental health was especially disheartening.  The forced isolation and lack of visitors had contributed significantly to the fall.

I wanted my Bobby, Bobby, that was a friend, family member, mentor, and champion.
The idea of acceptance dawned when I realized that we were at the end of the road.  It was not going to change. There was no going back.
Acceptance brought peace in knowing that she had lived a good life, and it was time for her to move on.
Acceptance also allowed me to move on with my life, and to experience peace in knowing that all is well and in Divine Order.
I released resistance, and I experienced acceptance.